The Red Rose and White Lily
by TheHamsterInMyMind
Summary: A Series of Perspectives on building a friendship. Catherine and Sara FRIENDSHIP. My first CSI piece so please read, review, and enjoy.Rating to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

AN: It's always bothered me the way that Catherine and Sara have never been able to build a solid relationship on the show. I know that they are exact opposites in some ways, but they are also similar in some ways: they are both strong, independent, intelligent women. I love Catherine's character because it is so fiery and passionate without losing touch with the very human feelings of compassion, but I also like Sara's character for its mellowness and calm, strong stability. So, while trying to keep as much in character as possible, I'm trying out a series to sketch a building friendship. I'm staying away from romantic relationships even though I'm trying to stick to canon so there might be a hint of GSR, even though I'm not a shipper. I also don't go for any character bashing, because I love all the members of the Grave shift :).

Part I is a post-ep for "Nesting Dolls," and is inspired by the song "I Am What I Am" from La Cage aux Folles. (Warning: just one very rude, bad word.)

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or any of the wonderful cast. They belong the CBS... I'm sad now...

"**The Red Rose and the White Lily"**

_**A Series of Perspectives: Part I**_

I couldn't stand it. I messed up big time today… I could understand why Gil would be disappointed in me. I… I was a _jerk_, and I know it. I couldn't swallow my pride. Somehow, what Sara said struck a nerve in me… or maybe it was the case. _Domestic abuse_. I hate those two words. It reminds me of Eddie too much. Oh, it wasn't always physical, but it was abuse all the same, but I've wondered whether my experience with it has inured me to it, to the victims… no, never. In fact, it has deepened my empathy for them. It is and will never be right, but I've forgotten, I guess, that not everyone will cope with it the same as I do: "Never doubt. Never look back." Many don't get the chance to. This case is only one of many.

God, I can only imagine now how cold I must have seemed to Sara. Yes, she crossed the line, and I've wondered why. I can only guess, but I should have taken it into my office… I should have been supportive when this was something that obviously bothers her. Instead, I attacked her. I don't blame her for fighting back. What kind of supervisor am I? It's straining all my relationships… at home and at work, and I can't say that I'm blameless.

Then, there is Ecklie. Oh, Ecklie, that weasel of a man. I shouldn't have gone and backed Ecklie. Sara doesn't deserve to be fired… He's been out to get her since day one, probably just to spite Gil. I'm still insecure in my position, and I hate it. What happened to all that confidence I had? Yeah right. In the end, it's all just an excuse. I wasn't there for Sara and took advantage of the political situation because I was scared and angry and being egocentric. I have to admit though; I certainly admired Sara. She had the guts to tear at Ecklie, and he deserved it. She was right you know? Now, she's suspended, and I'm still sitting here in my office wondering what I'm doing, wondering if I can change, wondering if I can actually lead this team without it falling apart. Greg can't understand why, Warrick isn't happy either, and I can only imagine what Gil must be thinking… Wait. This is just some self-pity crap right now. I have to get off my but and do something… I just hope she won't mind or refuse.

Xxx

Good. Gil is in his office right now. As I go in, he looks up, and I see a shadow pass over his eyes. His face is a mask, closed off from me. I use to be his best friend. I hope I still am. This is another relationship I have to rebuild.

"Gil, do you have Sara's phone number?"

I can see the surprise in his eyes and a slight wariness leaks into them.

"What for?"

"I need to talk to her."

"Look Catherine, I don't know what exactly passed between the two of you today or what part you may have had in Ecklie's decisions, if any, but I don't think that she, or you, want to have another confrontation."

I feel some anger course its way through me, but I quickly push it down. I realized that what he says isn't entirely unjustified. I also don't need another scene here right now.

"I don't want another confrontation. Gil, I'm sorry that Sara was suspended because of me, and while I realize that I didn't do anything to help the situation, I wasn't exactly dogging Ecklie or you to fire her." I wince, when I realized that it came out sharper than I thought, but Gil seemed to get the point.

He sighed. "I realize, Cath, that you're feeling a bit of pressure right now, but you have to remember how the deal with these sort of situations. I know you're qualified for the job, but you have to still remember that without the people there is no lab. I wasn't saying that the situation was entirely your fault, but not everything is as it seems. Don't forget that." With that, he handed me a card with Sara's phone number and address written on it. I couldn't help a small smile when I understood that he had seen this coming all along. That's Gil Grissom.

"Thanks Gil."

"I just hope everything is settled between you two."

As I walked out of his office, I hoped so too.

Xxx

I had rung Sara up, and she seemed surprisingly calm. I guess it's Gil's influence. When I asked if I could come over for a talk, I could hear the suspicion in her voice, but she agreed. Now, I can feel a nervous weight in my stomach as I pull into the parking lot for her apartment complex. When I reach her door, she opens it with the first knock. I realized that she must have been waiting for me. She looked a bit fidgety as well. How was I going to start?

She made the first move by inviting me in. She was absolutely civil. I was thankful for that. As we sat down at her couch, I decided that it was now or never. "Sara, I'm sorry that things got to this point with us. I'm sorry that I hadn't supported you against Ecklie, and I hope that you will not hold anything I said earlier against me."

She was a bit shocked nonetheless, but she quickly recovered. "I guess… I'm sorry too… I was a bit out of line, and the comment… well, it was a stupid comment, and I was a bit pissed off."

The conversation quickly slid into an awkward silence as we tried to avoid one another's eyes. My hands started fidgeting in my lap, and darn it! I couldn't stop them. Sara decided to offer me a drink, and I thankfully accepted. When she sat back down again, I decided to start again. "Look, Sara, I really am sorry that things got out of hand, but we were both annoyed." She gave me a look. "Okay, so we were both very pissed off, but I think that if we worked at it, we could have a chance to build a stronger relationship than the one we've had. I don't mean that we suddenly become the best of friends and go out shopping every Saturday, but I would like to try to become friends as well as coworkers. I mean, the grave shift team has always been like family to me, but when you joined… I was annoyed with Grissom, and I've just realized that I've never given you a proper chance."

Sara smirked, "Yeah, you were pretty hostile when we first met."

I smiled. "I guess I was, but in reality, I don't bite… much."

We both let out a nervous laugh. Sara seemed to be thinking. "You know, I'd like to give it a try." She turned back to me and gave a real smile.

I returned it. "Okay, so are we alright for now?"

Sara nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I should be getting back to Lindsey. The babysitter will be asking for overtime soon." Sara got up as well. "Oh, and Sara, I'll try and talk to Ecklie for you if you want."

Sara wrinkled her nose. "It's alright Catherine. I rather not deal with him for another week anyway. Plus, I might catch up on some of the forensic news."

I smiled and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Catherine?" I turned around to face the brunette. "Thanks."

As I got into my car, I thought about the conversation, and I decided that it was a pretty good start.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I'm sorry, this one's a bit shorter, but I work with the material as best as I can. I hope you enjoy. Feedback is appreciated : ). This was inspired by the song "Some People" from _Gypsy_. Please, tell me what you think. (Sorry, it has taken me so long... I'll try to update sooner next time. School has been killing me.)

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or its characters although I've rubbed about one thousand magic lamps already.

**The Red Rose and the White Lily**

_**A Series of Perspectives: Part II**_

As I woke up, I felt that there was something strange going on, something outside of habit, a break in my routine. I looked around… but nothing seemed out of place. Judging by the sky outside, it was almost time for shift… wait that was it. I don't have shift today. Yesterday, let's see what happened yesterday: wrapped up my case, was placed on Catherine's, lost my temper with a suspect, lost it with Catherine, lost it with Ecklie who suspended me for a week… that still sounded reasonable… until I got to the part that seemed the strangest of all. Catherine came by, and we had a _good_ talk. I had expected Grissom to maybe come by again and help me out… I was _hoping_ at least for him to come again, but it was Catherine that came by and apologized first, and after I had told Ecklie I wouldn't apologize, I had. I guess everything's going to be okay between us for now, but the visit and conversation had really phased me out. I probably wouldn't have admitted it before, but I really do respect Catherine. She's tough, and she's a good CSI… She'll probably become a good supervisor. I've seen her office, and it's sure a whole lot more organized than Grissom's.

My insult was out of context anyway; especially with her past relationships, her sexuality would have placed her on my side. Sometimes, I envy her confidence in her looks, in her attitude, but I've realized that in a way, I'm just belittling myself, and I want to stop. We're equals. She has more experience with her age, but I hope that with time I gain some stability, the poise I see in her. We're also different individuals. What I believe doesn't make it universally correct, so if she believes something different, it doesn't make her wrong. We both cope differently, we deal with life differently, and it is perfectly fine. As for that relationship, friendship, whatever you want to call it, thing… I've realized that I really do want to try it out.

I have to get to the shower and wake up… I'm _definitely_ phasing out again.

Xxx

As I settle down with a bowl of cereal with mixed fruit and a glass of juice on the side, I switch on my laptop and check my email. I saw that someone from the old criminal psychology band in college had emailed me a new article of theirs. It looks interesting: "Crime of Passions: How to Read into Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships." The beginning was all the basics to any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise. First was proper communication: a relationship has to be open and full in order for trust to be established. Well, that's a bummer for Grissom and me… well, until I can get him to speak… then, maybe it'll work out for us. Catherine enters my mind too. Maybe, I need to tell her what I really think. Maybe, this is what we need to get everything out of the way, or it could open an entire can of worms. We've had our shares of problems and even if she wasn't there to support me this time, she was there for me when that entire Hank fling blew up, she was there for Nick when he was suspected for murder, she's there to humor Greg, and she's always been there for Gris and Warrick. Actually, she can be downright protective at times. I guess that comes with being a mother. I wasn't always there for her either. I remember that entire thing with that showgirl's case. It's silly really. This article's going to be a good read…

Xxx

Well, I made the call. I'm going to meet her for drinks this weekend. I have a good feeling about this. We can make this work, and who knows, I need a friend who's not a guy.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I hope everyone's enjoyed it so far. This skips ahead into the middle of season six, probably somewhere after _Kiss-kiss, Bye-bye_. (I know that this is a big leap, but I have not seen most of Season 5, but I have pretty much seen all of the others, so this seems practical to me. I hope no one minds this time gap, and I hope I have adequately covered it.) I also have to repeat that I'm not a GSR shipper (no offense- see profile) nor am I a fan of extreme romanticism in CSI so if I've written their canon relationship a bit stiffly here and if you are a fan, I apologize. Oh, note: I am NOT trying to bash Sofia if that is what it sounds like.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI. It belongs to CBS. I also do not own the song "Man, I feel like a Woman." It belongs to the lovely Shania Twain and her record company.

**"The Red Rose and the White Lily"**

**A Series of Perspectives: Part III **

_"Man, I feel like a Woman" _

_I'm going tonight - I'm feelin' alright  
Gonna let it all hang out  
Wanna make some noise  
Really raise my voices  
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout_

_No inhibitions - make no conditions  
Get a little outta line  
I ain't gonna act politically correct  
I only wanna have a good time  
The best thing about being a woman  
Is the prerogative  
To have a little fun and.._

_ Shania Twain_

The past year has certainly been interesting. Sara and I have actually gotten pretty close… to the point where we share girl talks. I don't know why it took us five-and-a-half years to finally learn to get along, and I can tell that the rest of the team has been surprised that we're actually acting pretty friendly now… We look out for each other being the only two females on the team; it's in a sort of sisterly in a way. It doesn't mean that we always see eye-to-eye, but the misunderstandings are decreasing, and we've gotten more honest with each other. Gil is certainly relieved to see the two of us getting along. I think that we've given him enough grief.

There have been so many changes… Warrick is married, and I still haven't gotten use to that idea quite truthfully. I'm back on the grave shift and under supervision. I don't know if I should be relieved or annoyed, but after what happened to Nick a few months ago, I'm aiming more towards the former. I still need time I guess. I don't think I could have dealt with the guilt or the grief if we had lost him. Poor Nicky hasn't quite recovered from it either. Oh, the biggest change of all… well, it has landed me in a bar now with a partially drunk Sara. As it is, I'm not quite sober either.

Xxx

A few moments earlier… 

_Catherine had walked into the parking lot to see a very upset Sara behind the wheel of her car cursing the living daylights out of a certain Gil Grissom. "Um, hey, Sara? Are you okay?"_

"_No, I need some alcohol."_

"_Come on then, I know a new place that had just opened up on the strip, and it's suppose to be good."_

Xxx

The first shot had gone down quickly. So had the second. I just watched as she grimaced.

"Men."

I raised an eyebrow. This could be very interesting. "Yes. Men."

"Why do we need them?"

I thought for a second. "Says who?"

Sara gave a harsh laugh. "Says everyone… and science, if we want the human population to survive."

"Well, they sure are annoying, stubborn, and pig-headed sometimes. I'm sure we'll eventually do something about their half of the equation… but then again, when they are doing their jobs in that area, it can be fun."

Sara spluttered and laughed into her third drink. I was still on my second. We sunk into a comfortable silence after that as we nursed our drinks.

Suddenly Sara asked, "Cath, how could you have possibly have dealt with Grissom this long? I mean, doesn't he drive you crazy?"

Again, Gil has come up. "All the time, but he's a great friend. By the way, what's up with you and him?"

She blushed… she actually blushed. I think I've hit the bull's eye on this. "What do you mean? I mean nothing's happening." She gulped down the rest of her drink. Maybe the liquor is too good here.

"Well, you were cursing him out earlier, so there has to be _something_ happening." She was caught, and I knew it.

She could tell I knew too from the smirk on my face. "We're sort of _together_ now." I was a bit surprised hearing it so straight from her mouth, but not by much.

"Since when?"

"Not long after the Nicky incident. I guess it made him see that anything can happen on this job. I don't know though. He's still a bit closed from me. We just had our first argument."

Ah, hence the cursing. I had to admit, I was a bit hurt to know that I've been left out of the loop so long, but I've noticed only some slight changes between them, and Gil, well, he's just Gil. "Was it about his hermetically-sealed self?"

"The argument you mean?" I nodded. "No, it was about something else."

I tried to resist pushing, but the release could help her… I was stuck here. I was also really curious, and my face must have given me away.

"It was about Sofia, of all people. I don't know why, but she just irks me. Plus, I don't really like the looks she gives him sometimes."

I couldn't help it. I snickered, and she glared at me. I guess I deserved that. "Why Sara, I never knew you had such a great big green-eyed monster in you." Did I just say that…? Wow, this alcohol _is_ good. "Look, I'm sure it's nothing… well, nothing worth fighting over. She isn't that bad, and I think that she isn't really that fascinated by Grissom. Sure, he has some charm, but Sofia, well, let's just say I can't see them together."

Silence came again, and I can see that she's considering what I said.

"You're right, I shouldn't let it come between us. But, Cath, do _you_ mind that Gris and me are together?"

She looked straight at me.

I sighed. I don't know what to think truthfully, but… "Look, Sara, as long as both of you are happy, I really don't mind. Heck, I've been trying to drag Gil 'outside' since I've met him, and really, I've been worried about him. At least with you, I think he'll manage to stay out of trouble." It's the truth. As long as my best friend is happy, I'm happy for both of them.

Sara seemed relieved and smiled. "Good. And Catherine, can you keep this between us for now? We don't really want the entire lab to know."

"Sure. My lips are sealed."

"Catherine, about what you said before, was that the reason you tried to set him up with Terri Miller?"

"Yep."

"What happened?"

"It just never worked out. They're still friends, and she's married."

"Oh."

At this point, we were sufficiently intoxicated even though our speech was still clear, but I knew that something big would be coming. I could sense it.

"Cath, I want to tell you something that I've only told Grissom so far. I want you to know why I'm so nervous about our relationship."

And here it comes.

_Oh, oh, oh get in the action - feel the attraction  
Color my hair  
Do what I dare  
Oh, oh, oh I wanna be free  
Yeah, to feel the way I feel  
Man! I feel like a woman!  
_

_The girls need a break  
Tonight we're gonna take  
The chance to get out on the town  
We don't need romance  
We only wanna dance  
We're gonna let our hair hang down.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Okay, some may think that Sara would not tell Catherine her past so quickly (it took her six years to tell Grissom), but I believe in how close two women can really become if something just finally clicks. Plus, they're both inebriated just now. ; ) So please read and enjoy and review, I don't mind... I just want to know what you think about it.

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI, CBS does. I don't own the songs. Their owners are specified.

The Red Rose and the White Lily

_A Series of Perspectives: Part IV _

"_Everybody's Got a Story"_

_Its the human condition that keeps us apart  
Everybody's got a story that could break your heart  
Yeah everybody's got a story that could break your heart_

_Amanda Marshall_

I don't know what is making me trust Catherine with my secrets… with my past, but something tells me that I can. That she won't stare at me with pity, but instead, she will come to understand me a bit more. She's one of those "secret-keeper" people that you can just release a burden to without worrying that it might make the evening news. I'm also sufficiently drunk enough to risk it.

"My parents were born into the age of 'free love.'"

"They were hippies?" She certainly sounded surprised, and I guess that I've tried my best to be completely different from them.

"Yeah, you can say that. Except, they became ex-hippies soon enough. They had just opened the bed and breakfast when my older brother Shane was born. Everything was still fine back then. Enough so that the B&B really had no trouble getting off the ground, and my parents still seemed like everyday sort-of people. There was nothing about them above average… There was nothing about Shane that was above average. He did okay in school and excelled in baseball in the same sense as every other kid around the block at his age. He was seven when I was born. I was my parents' little child _prodigy_." Even saying that left a bitter taste in my mouth. "I think the trouble started then."

"I grew up thinking that I had the best older brother in the world. He helped me relax and live my life when it felt like my parents were choking me. They wanted the best for their little girl. Their little daughter who understood math and finances well enough that by age eight planned a future for their B&B. They paid my way through the best schools even though I had a rough time at most of them, not really fitting in anywhere. I sometimes felt like it was my fault that my parents started having some financial problems. Plus, I also had a younger brother born only two years after me… His name was Samuel, but everyone called him little Sammy." I couldn't help the smile as I remembered the cute, little brown haired boy that would spend the afternoons following me around the B&B pretending to be a duck. "It began to strain their relationship. It started out as yelling, but soon, my parents started getting abusive, especially since my father fell for the bottle." I stared down at the amber liquid in my glass… It was liquid sin, but it could also be a miracle drug as I've discovered. You can just drown your problems away… "They mostly took out their anger on each other, and only once did my father strike any of his children in a drunken rage. He had slapped me across the cheek when I accidentally rammed into him in the hall playing tag with my little brother. My mother saw and pulled me away. She told my father that if he ever raised another hand to any of his children, she would kill him. I should have guessed then where it would lead. I've already seen the hospitals more than once, but I, in all my naivety, would never have thought that it would lead to two visits to the morgue."

"I was eleven when the last straw broke. My dad had picked Sammy up from violin practice, he loved that instrument for some reason, and wasn't entirely sober… To put it simply, there was an accident, my dad was drunk but pulled through, but Sammy…" I could feel the tears running down my face, and I couldn't stop them. "He didn't make it. He died on the way to ER from massive internal bleeding. After the funeral, no one was ever the same again. Shane became angry and more overprotective of me than ever before, dad looked dead and started attending AA meetings, but mom… Looking back now, I should have realized something was going to happen. There was a madness that had been growing in my mother's eyes ever since Sammy's death. The seed had already been planted, but it was my brother's death that caused it to germinate. Then, the night came…"

I could hear my voice forfeiting the details to a memory long etched vividly into my mind, burned into my brain. What hits me the strongest was the haunting melody of one of Chopin's Nocturnes wafting through the house that night. I should have realized it then because my mom hated classical music, but it was one of Sammy's favorites, the one he constantly tried playing for dad on his violin. I could still hear each individual note as it kept me awake that night, filled me with fear and trepidation. I could hear the voices and struggling through the floor of my bedroom, and I stared at the door… waiting to be dragged to the hospital again, but it wasn't mom or dad that came in after the silence took over… It was Shane, and his face was ghost white. He told me to lock my door and never open it unless I heard our secret knock. I had nodded without a sound. He hugged me then and sobbed into my hair. Then, he pulled away and went out the door… I could hear the sirens when the police and paramedics arrived, and for the first time, I disobeyed my brother. I sneaked outside and down the stairs clutching my doll in my arms. When, I turned the corner into the living room, all I saw was a mess… Nothing to remind me of what it once was. I didn't see anyone except faceless blurs in white. I could hear my brother yelling at a detective.

"I don't care about your freakin' theories. I just want the freakin' truth. Did she or did she not kill my dad?"

I knew that he meant mom, and even as I watched them cart a sheet-covered body away, I knew the answer to his question. Numb, I sneaked back into my room and lay on my bed waiting for the nightmare to be over. "I didn't cry a single tear that night or at the funeral. I didn't even cry when I found out after the trial that my mom would be put into a mental asylum and that I would be given away to complete strangers. Reality finally crashed into me when Social Services separated me from my brother. I realized then that my family was gone, that my own mother had killed my father… I cried and screamed and fought with tooth and nail that day when they dragged me out of the room. Social Services soon relinquished all responsibility for me after tossing me into the foster care system. I never heard what happened to my brother after that. I couldn't find him."

"The rest of it, you know. I went to Harvard, learned how to function again at least, graduated, and landed a job as CSI in San Francisco where I stayed until I came here." My voice shook badly as I finished, and I couldn't look at Catherine. I wondered, "What's going to happen now?"

Catherine squeezed my hand gently. I hadn't even noticed when it got there. "Sara, you know that it wasn't your fault, right?"

"Yes, I know, but it's hard that even after twenty-four years of telling myself that it wasn't my fault, that I'm not a murderer, I still wonder every other night whether my family would have been better off if I had never been born."

"That's not true Sara Sidle, and you better know it. The predisposition for a failed relationship was most likely already there. You had nothing to do with it. You can't help it if your father was an alcoholic or if your mother was unstable. It has nothing to do with you as a human, and it should, therefore, have no impact on your future potential. Sara, don't lose yourself to your past because then, you lose your present and future as well. Remember, we're all here for you… me, Gris, Nick, Warrick, Greg… all of us."

I gave her a weak smile. "Thanks Cath."

I'm glad she's here, and I'm glad I've told her. It felt like I've drained some of the poison that's been seeping into my soul for the past twenty-four years, and I feel so relieved all of a sudden that I'm not isolated and alone in my own little world just crying my eyes out. For the first time in a long while, I really feel the support holding under my feet, and I feel ready to test the waters in life again. I feel warm.

_"Still Under the Weather"_

_My first lesson in losing a love was you  
Learning to live with your memory was lesson number two  
And I can't lie, baby  
I still cry sometimes  
But I've come a long way  
Towards gettin' you out of my mind  
_

_I'm still under the weather  
But I'm over the storm  
I still miss the shelter  
Of your loving arms  
But what I thought would kill me  
Has just made me strong  
I'm still under the weather  
But I'm over the storm  
_

_Shania Twain_


End file.
